The following are truer-than-true facts about this site’s webmaster and evil-overlord. You are hereby warned.

1. If you have $5, and Craig Reade has $5 dollars, you are both at a strip club.
2. Craig Reade is the reason Waldo is hiding. That dude owns him money.
3. Never look a gift Craig Reade in the mouth. You don’t know where he’s been.
4. All roads lead to Craig Reade. And by the transitive property, to a knife fight with a midget.
5. Craig Reade can divide by zero - but only because he doesn’t know you’re not supposed to.
6. There once was a man from Nantucket, but it wasn’t Craig Reade.
7. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles are all forms of transportation Craig Reade has seen.
8. When Craig Reade plays doctor, he plays to win.
9. Who let the dogs out? It was not Craig Reade.
10. Craig Reade doesn’t daydream. Slacker.
11. Clowns are funny. But not when Craig Reade is involved.
12. Indiana Jones got style tips from Craig Reade. That’s why he wears a hat.
13. When Craig Reade adds 2 + 2, he gets 4. Because that’s the answer.
14. Craig Reade fought the law and the law won.
15. Even Craig Reade’s own hair is scared of Craig Reade.
16. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Unless you are Craig Reade.
17. 4 out of 5 dentists don’t know who Craig Reade is. The other one probably doesn’t either.
18. Craig Reade abhors a vacuum. He also doesn’t like showers.
19. Craig Reade doesn’t sleep. Until he gets sleepy.
20. Craig Reade once had a bottle of water. Even though he wasn’t thirsty.
21. Craig Reade is a man of many faces. If by many, you mean one.

(Facts comprised and compiled from the minds of Brandon Schatz and Eric Barrett)